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I am an ex Adventist so I was very surprised to find this. Very surprised.
Even lonelier for me than you describe because I was raised an Adventist and was then excluded when at 14 or 15 I became interested in studying others religious beliefs. Oh NO that was evil! Even at 14 I knew that this was hypocritical and wrong.
I would love to go back to church, but I can't stomach all of the doctrine and hogswash.
You hit the nail on the head. Church should be about friendship and compassion and family connections based on the heart virtues of appreciation, compassion, forgiveness, humility, understanding and valor. These things mean more than doctrine.
I don't know you but any one who shares these sentiments can write to me at kimcoo@mac.com
I would love for you to see the work I do now, and perhaps help spread the word. My site is at
http://www.stopthefights.com
For me this ministry is much more important than teaching anyone about the bible. And if I have advice to offer it is with complete humility because I have been there.
May the healing begin for us all.
Marcel, do what you wish to the SDA denomination, it will go through to the end. I do not fear for the core message of Adventism, because Christ has instituted and invested it with His truth. All the combined attacks from every direction will only strengthen it.
What Adventists have done to that message is no different to what the Jews did to the Hebrew religion, and to us it can be said what Jesus said of them, "Salvation is of the Jews."
Dear former Adventists, I also feel for you and am deeply sorry for the lack of love in the church. It drove me away for 13 years. But God got me back to Himself and where did He put me? Right back in the Adventist camp.
Now I see better that I was also part of my problem. I had a log in my eye, admittedly just like everyone else. The Lord is dissolving my log and helping me help other "dry as the hills of Gilboa" SDAs! I really love them because they are hurting like I have hurt. We all have a God-size hole in our heart, not because of some other person but because we don't yet know the fullness of God's grace.
His grace needs to be the core of our message to the world, something constructive and enabling. Not, attacking people who are just as weak as we are.
Marcel, let's make Jesus and His love and grace the point of our spear and our rod of correction. Then everybody will benefit.
Blessings, Marcel.
I experienced this lack of vocabulary as one of your own community, a young girl with no friends or contacts outside the church. Yet this lack of vocabulary amongst my own church community drove me to meet people and learn things that I wouldn't have otherwise so I hold no grudge. Still leaving home at 16, with no one left in the church who would dare speak to me (except the kids!), simply because I was asking questions about Hinduism and the metaphysical is rather tragic I think.
I never found much in any other religion that impressed me any more or less than Adventism. Most show some concern for the needy and poor if they are not in ego, which seems to be more about personal growth rather than what you believe.
I did meet a remarkable Hindu man however who taught me that beliefs invariably divide people where values unite them. He does remarkable work in the education system never pushing his Hindu beliefs, but bringing students and co workers together with shared values of kindness, concern for each others well being, honesty and team work. His efforts (behind the scenes) have affected people in nearly every country in the world.
So, this said, I would certainly not share my beliefs here, they would not be welcome, besides, talking about my beliefs would divide you all immediately. That is obvious to me from reading more of this blog site. This is why in my first letter I mentioned virtues, or values, such as appreciation, compassion, forgiveness, humility, understanding and valor. Can we disagree even on these?
This is why I fear returning to church, even when I know that my children would benefit from your communities values - I don't particularly want to experience the discord again of others arguing their beliefs with each other, particularly when I don't share many of them!
I do not have a hole in my heart now David. I live a life filled with love. With valour I will defend my right to make my own best attempts to live to my highest purpose and good, by my own conscience, despite those who would patronise, pity or ostracise me just because I cannot stomach the hypocrisy of beliefs that pretend to honour the value of life and yet teach that a mass murder like King David was God's main man. I will likewise attempt to not pity patronise or ostracise you for those same beliefs, not from the virtue of compassion but from UNDERSTANDING. Your beliefs are obviously important to you and so I will show tolerance and I will try to understand. I will however insist on my right to live my own love without being told that I am misguided wrong or in any other way in need of rescuing from myself.
The Adventists have a great community life based on some very sound values such as sobriety, humility, and whatever it is you call not gambling and drinking coffee or using drugs! These are values that could unite you better than the hum drum of your squabbles over doctrine. There are lots of great and noble books and thinkers out there, encourage your children to explore this wonderful creation and learn to think for themselves while keeping them safe in your community with it's wonderful values on how to live.
This is my view on what could happen and probably just a dream. To me it seems a lot more noble than leaving your children feeling rejected and left to fend for themselves in the wilderness of this world when they get to an age that they want to start exploring their own ideas and beliefs. Life moves forward not backward.
Kim.
Let me assure you, when it comes to admitting that there may be other ways to God there is really no difference between Adventist arrogance or that of the vast majority of other Christian denominations.
The great divide in most non-SDA evangelical churches is based on whether you are 'saved' or not (and often whether you are gay or heterosexual). Forget the idea that the majority of people who belong to various Christian churches do not have even the remotest idea of what 'saved' or 'born again' (metanoia) really means. In my sojourns amongst many evangelical churches I have always found that to be the great divide.
Arrogance is the cause for untold miseries amongst former Christains - which you will find littered all over the world wide web - it certainly does not apply to the SDA church only.
I had an interesting experience once. I happened to drop into an Alpha lunch one day, and was fascinated by an account related by a perplexed Christian lady. Her son had recently become a Muslim. Formerly on drugs, disrespectful to his parents and highly antisocial, he had recently experienced a conversion to Islam (which is really no different to Evangelicals when it comes to certitude). His life had completely changed. He became quite the opposite of what he was before.
How did fellow Christians explain what had happened to her son? The devil was using his usual weapons of deceit and subterfuge. 'You will know them (the Muslims) by their fruits', they replied. Forget the crusades, the persecution of Jews, the inquisition, and other atrocities which Christians have wrecked on other humans!
Hinduism - a remarkable religion - I myself studied under a Hindu guru for four years before finally becoming a Christian (he had told me on his deathbed that I would find God in Christianity, not Hinduism). I still recall how the great Gandhi had asked for the hymn 'When I survey the wondrous cross' to be sung after one of his long fasts in protest against the British occupation of India. How do we explain such wonderful humility within the heart of Gandhi? No doubt Christians would say once again that is the work of the devil in Gandhi's heart. . .
Might I just say that, true to what my Hindu guru once told me, I remain a Christian. To me Jesus is the 'best' way, however He is not the only way! And that is not said with arrogance, but rather that He was the greatest revelation of God who has ever walked the planet.
He is simply wonderful . . . quite the opposite to much of the Christian church.
Thanks for acknowledging me, your experiences are interesting to read about.
I agree entirely that lack of tolerance, competition and vanity (as traits of the arrogance you speak of) are prevalent in most churches, but I will have to admit that your letter also made me laugh (-:
You see I work with domestic violence perpetrators and their partners and one of the first questions that we use to help a person determine in themselves if they are narcissistic (the abuser) or if it is their partner (all abusers blame their victims) is this ...
Do you use others bad behaviour to justify your own?
This question very quickly brings most people back to reality and back into focus.
If you have adopted the Adventist faith as your spiritual home then I would say that you have a responsibility to help change in it what does not sit well with your conscience.
I know that is a great challenge but I have watched my husband (and other men) change from a man who thought that he had a right to impose his will and his beliefs on us even to the point of intimidation and violence.
I have watch him learn a new way, based on trust, acceptance and a family centered on principles, values and virtues - choosen together - rather than egotistically imposed beliefs.
No one gave any hope for my husband to recover, I was told to have him put in jail (which I could have) and to leave him and have no contact. I refused to believe them, I knew that he had been through two family breakdowns growing up and that the fear of this was fueling his bad behaviour. Our family disintigrating would most likely have destroyed him and there is no telling what out of despair he might have done.
So I built trust with him. I told him that I wouldn't leave him but showed him also that I was strong enough to call in the authorities if I needed to, without losing my head, to protect us and to protect him from himself.
And I did a lot more ...
He is the happiest married man I know now. He belongs to a family that he never dreamed could exist. A family that he does not have to be right or in control of all the time. A family who can explore different ideas and beliefs while still having a firm grounding in our democratically discussed and choosen values. A family where there is order and discipline and where responsibility is earned and shared.
I had the strength to do this through love and through humility. It was not easy to go public with our families shame. Everything that helped I learned only by admitting that I didn't know what to do and that I needed help, if people who tried to help me were negative or bitter I thanked them and moved on until I found others with hope. One of my wisest teachers was a police officer who is one of the most gentle hearted people that I know, he has saved many families form despair. Us going public has helped many people now, and it has helped us affirm our humanity.
For any interested you can read my advice to the clergy ministers, police and the community on domestic violence at
http://www.clergyanddomesticviolence.com/
I did find the site here looking for places to promote my work, but I did not expect to find this apology here. It is a step in the right direction. I am very impressed.
There is work to be done however if you are genuine.
If you don't want your kids leaving - but you fear losing your values and principles to progressive thinking my ideas might be worth considering. They have been proven to work. There is a great book called the 7 habits of effective people which you may have heard of that has some great advice on principle based family life.
Being known and loved by our family is so much more important in the end than being right.
We are all part of God's family - All of us.
Kim.
One does not have to be a churchgoer or church member to be a committed Christian. The words 'come unto me' have been sadly co-opted by the Christian church at large. There are few Christian churches which ultimately do not say 'if you want to follow Jesus, then follow this church'. Popes, cardinals, bishops, priests, pastors, including EG White, all claim to be intermediaries on behalf of Jesus - and how often they disgrace him. But more so, how arrogant they are to make such a claim. However, those words of Jesus speak directly directly to you and I - and not necessarily through the medium of a particular church.
I have also been surprised again and again by the diversity of God's children - they are found everywhere - within Hinduism, Islam, Judaism, Buddhism and also outside of all the various shades of men and women's belief. Paul and many others do of course grudgingly admit to that fact, however the triumphalism of their claims regarding who Jesus truly was overshadow His remarkable claims upon us. My Hindu guru often surprised me by his knowledge and love for Jesus, he truly believed He was the greatest avatar of all time and taught us so time and time again. He often told us that other great religious figures are mere shadows of the wonderful Jesus.
* * *
You and your husband seem to be doing a good work Kim - keep it up and may God bless you and guide you in your remarkable efforts to redeem men and women from the difficult situations in which they often find themselves. May the spirit of Jesus continue to speak to you today, just as surely as He has spoken to multitudes of men and women over the last two millenia.
Thanks for sharing parts of your story. I believe people are listening and thinking, even if few comments are being submitted. BTW, I checked out your website after your first post.
The chapter in Blue Like Jazz about apologizing/making amends for Christian history was powerful. It fit my experience in 12-step, just at a more macro level. Yes, apologies are difficult but important.
The "values uniting/beliefs dividing" is interesting, a new thought for me. It makes sense, though I can imagine people arguing about "believing in values," which would miss the point.
My ex-brother-in-law was not a Christian, and I didn't do a very good job of listening to him. Ego. I must prove I'm right. It's easy to think we're defending God, while actually defending our pride connected to right-ness. Instead of building bridges with values (which we had many in common), I built walls with arguments about beliefs.
Not that there isn't a time, place, and way to support important truths. But that is getting to a different conversation.
So what do you recommend for Adventists to do to build relationsips of trust and peace--with themselves and others? I'm sure we all have opinions on that, but what do you suggest based on your research and personal experience? What is something we can act on?
First I must say I am completely overwhelmed with joy at your acceptance of me and your kindness towards me. Maybe I had more un-healed wounds from my SDA upbringing than I realised. And Jeff thank-you for asking for my ideas, it brought tears to my eyes! You see I was very religious at 13 and 14, before I left the church. I had so much in my heart that I wanted to share with my church community and I dearly wanted to be a minister - but that was not allowed and none of the men who presided over things was interested in an intelligent girl with ideas. They found that very challenging (-:
OK so I have thought about what you should do already and I would love to suggest this to you ... Your camp meetings are great. You could set up a virtues and values tent that is not just for youth but for anyone interested, and for fun make it a doctrine free zone. You could do it light heartedly, like for those just wanting a breather from the debate and posturing that doctrinal discussion inevitably produces, the men like that stuff but honestly everyone else gets left out in the cold and it is dull. The virtues and values tent could be about shared discussions on values. I remember one of the best camps I went to they forgot about preaching doctrine for awhile in the youth tent and showed some films and stuff on parenting and other subjects and it was great. The VV tent could also be a kind of non denominational thing, so that you can invite non Adventist friends and assure them that they won't get Bible Bashed. There is so much great material that you could present in this tent, without bringing the bible into it. Besides there are plenty of places for bible studies and doctrine at camp!
Values education is great and it works best when it is democratic. What I mean by this is that no one says "This is what you must value" What you do instead is work with groups and get them discussing what values they already share. This can bring about very honest and soul baring discussion in a very non threatening environment. Once the group has decided what their shared values are as a group then they are ready to choose community or even intra community (just in the camp) projects or initiatives etc. that demonstrate these values. Once participants learn how to do this as a group it is then much easier for them to help initiate this process at home or at work.
From experience, concern for others well being is a good value to get each group to consider.
What you will soon notice is that the motivation of participants will be directly proportional to how much input was drawn and accepted from them at the beginning. Everyone must decide on the the groups chosen values if you want everyone to participate.
This will also give you a very quick working model where you will see why preaching beliefs vertically with no input from those below is de motivating and drains vitality from the group.
If you tried this my bet is that the VV tent would be a very warm and welcoming place to be for many church members who may already feel disenfranchised. It may also bring some old church go-ers back. I would bring me and my husband and kids (-:
Take it or leave it but that was the best I could think of, the name Virtues and Values is my idea and it is yours if you want to use it.
VV groups could then be initiated at home churches and make a fun get together point where a strong life raft of virtues and values begins being built in your community so that hopefully when those in your community become tempted to expore other beliefs or ideas or leave the church for what ever reason they still have a solid community sense of their core values with those at home who hopefully care about them.
I think the challenge for you would be keeping it doctrine and bible free. It is very important that you do that however. I am not saying that there are not good virtues and values in the bible, that is not the message at all. It is just that you really need to emphasis that these are values that come naturally from within, otherwise there is no safety net. If someone changes their beliefs they will drop out of VV too. It will work even better if you could do it with some people of other beliefs participating. Then you will immediately see the importance of beliefs staying out of it. This is a reconciliation and trust building exercise, the last thing that you want to do is turn it into just another vehicle to convince people that your convictions are the best (ego). The process itself is a working model of humility, appreciation, forgiveness, compassion understanding and valor. People will want to really open up and share their hearts in these groups, that's what our values are all about. It is vital that they are safe and nurtured in doing this and not ever told that what they value is inferior or wrong. It may not be shared by the group! But that is all.
Thanks for hearing me, it has really made my day!
I am sure that there are some who are reading these posts who would like to cut me down or criticise me and I understand that these ideas are new and that you want to protect your community so of course that is natural. To those who may be feeling that way thank you that you have chosen tolerance instead, it has not gone un noted by me.
Kim.
Things are changing. The Gospel message of love and inclusion is being promoted in official SDA publications and strongly advocated by our General Conference President. I cautiously suggest that you visit your neighborhood Adventist church as an interested observer, as an anthropologist, dressed like one of the natives, and see what happens.
The Gospel message isn't being promoted everywhere, but there is a young minister and his wife in my neck-of-the-woods who pastor three small churches that would welcome you and your family with open arms.
"As an anthropologist, dressed like one of the natives," I love it - you are in tune with me completely. OK - You are on! I will give it a go and write back. It won't be tomorrow because my kids have their end of year party for ballet (my eldest boy is the most talented at it!) but we will go next week, the family has all agreed. Note - To see a picture of my son doing ballet go here -
http://www.newcastledanceacademy.com.au/Newcastle_Dance_Academy/Students.html)
You will see that he is a healthy boy and BTW I designed the site ...
Kim.
Your comments are well taken!
May I gently advise you that many employers have strict rules relating to employees revealing information relating to their places of employment. This may also be the case with your current employers.
There are numerous accounts on the web detailing how employees have been dismissed for discussing work related incidents. I would hate to see you facing problems regarding your above comments.
Regards, Gordon
While I favor an open organization that can both welcome new members and say good-bye to discontented ones with some measure of grace and good will, I'd love to see more people eager to stay and bring more friends along on the adventure.
We have different needs at different times in life. Teens, young families and retired individuals have different automotive needs, so they buy different wheels. One size doesn't fit all. The same goes for church. Yet I believe that a similar theological engine can power many different cars.
I'm guessing that since people have different social, spiritual and physical needs at different life stages, they may become discontented with the church for different reasons during these different phases. Not that I think every cohort member leaves under identical circumstances, but there could be patterns.
And if so, could we do a better job of meeting those differing needs if we understood them from a developmental standpoint?
At each stage in life, what do people value about church? What do they need from God and from community? Which needs, if unmet, will most likely lead people to leave the SDA church at each stage? And which needs in each phase, when met, significantly increase their likelihood of staying through that phase?
Do you know if Monte or others have researched the correlation between people's reasons for leaving and their age or stage in life? What have they found? How is that research being used?
(I recently finished reading Monte's "Mission in Metropolis" and was impressed with his emphasis on well-researched data.)
I'm guessing more young adults leave because the local church seems irrelevant to their lives, whereas people in their mid-30s and beyond have had more opportunities for the church's social/emotional support system to let them down. But that's just a hypothesis based on limited anecdotal evidence of a few people I know. That sounds too clinical, but you know what I'm asking.
Since I can only think of two acquaintances who left because of doctrinal issues, I think these other issues of culture and community are the most critical for discussion. How we can re-invent Adventism to meet more people's needs at each stage of life?
An Adventist friend sent me a link to your blog; I guess they thought they were being a good Adventist by letting me see how progressive the church is now and that I can come back now.
What they and you don’t seem to realize is we do not believe what you believe and that is ok. The majority of us do not hate you in fact we love you, we just do not want to be a part of your organization.
Please give up the notion that we are all just waiting for an excuse to come back to the fold to tell you the truth we just don’t spend that much time thinking about the Adventist Church.
Like Georgia Grown I’ll link to this in my next post. I need to let all six of my ex Adventist friends (readers) know that you have apologized and it’s safe to come back.
I agree. If people don't believe a core set of SDA beliefs, then it makes sense for them to find a spiritual home that fits them and that they can help grow. Cool.
But if the stats are true that 90% of people who leave the church do so for non-theological/non-belief reasons, then an apology is in order. I don't think Marcel was apologizing for SDA theology, but for how some people have been treated.
I think both the letter and your comment are valid, but speaking to two different issues--theology and community.
Peace, Jeff
What do I most remember of Seventh-day Adventism? The sabbath day, the health message, the over-arching meta-narrative of the 'great controversy' (which I no longer accept), the great vision which Adventists have of Jesus. The wonderful educational and medical work, and all the many people whom I knew in that regard.
You can't deny there's evil in the world and you can't deny there's good so, what gives?
To me this is yet another expression of the proverbial, "baby out with the bath water" that we read in these discussions by former SDAs.
May I just say that I find the 'great controversy' worldview highly implausible. To my understanding I find it would be a strange but unlikely God, (and we cannot 'prove' it either way) who would have knowlingly created humanity to endure the suffering which he/she has had to pass through in Gengis Khan's military rampages, Peter the Great's horrors, the Napoleonic wars, the two great world wars, Hitler's Holocaust, Stalin's gulag, Mao's China, Pol Pot's hell, Rwanda's genocide, Darfur, Palestinian suffering, - need I go on and on?
Would you wish a son or daughter to be born if you knew they were destined for Auschwitz? I am certain your answer would be a resounding NO! I gather that God too, if he is a God of intense love would want such a thing to come to pass.
Not even the Hebrew God has an answer to the question of pain and suffering - which is ultimately behind the great question of good and evil. He simply tells the 'three wise men' of Job to hold their tongue, and that particular God then goes on to display his great power.
Please understand I am not blaming God, I simply do not accept the philosophical view expressed by the author of Job, or Genesis chapter 1, for that matter - or that of EGW, which is after all not her original idea anyway. Is it not rqther simplistic to expect God to draw us into his own particular argument with someone called by the name of Satan? The problem would be His, not ours.
In answer to your question as to what kind of world view I accept, I suppose I might call Albert Einstein to my assistance - was it not he who felt that God does not play dice with the universe - neither would God do so with man. And that is the huge metaphysical dilemma which Job, Kant, Hegel, Hindu, Jain, Buddhist and many others have struggled with. At the same time history records that Einstein never believed in an interventionist God. It is all a wonderful mystery, and we simply have to leave all in the hand of God.
The high calling to spirituality found in both the Old and the New Testament is worldview enough. there we are constrained to live a good life before God - come good or bad. And perhaps the Islamic 'Inshallah' expresses it so well, where together with the psalmist - we bow before the divine will.
This would be the beautiful approach of Christ- to admit that wrong has been done & apologize. Turning a blind eye & singing Kumbayah around the campfire, will not cancel out the fact that people are hurt regularly.
There are problems and bad politics in ANY church. To deny that fact is blindness of the worst kind. You can deny the existence of cars and still be hit by one.
My life and that of my family was destroyed by corrupt leaders in the church. That was VERY hard to swallow for my husband and I who gave our prime years to ministry in order to build what we believed to be "God's only true Church".
We were flushed, falsely accused and dumped by the wayside. Then expected to keep it silent, to hide the tears and try to find work in some other church ministry. Bad psychology, folks!
Kimcoo, I can relate with you in that I was also ostracized for looking into other belief systems and considering the fact that they also hold many legimate truths and are worthy of respect. I cannot tell you how many times I sat in Sabbath School classes listening to them arrogantly poke fun at other denominations for their "lack of understanding".
It is WRONG for any SDA to assume that because people leave, question, or speak up about wrongs they see happening in the church, they are simply negative and/or bitter.
That's a cop-out and taking the EASY way out. It means the church and it's members refuse to take accountability for wrong-doing.
I'm a bubbly, optimistic person who loved & served the church for 2decades. I was honest about what I was seeing because I cared.
David, you've had your journey and came full circle- don't rob others of their growing experiences by pushing them too much or sweeping things under the carpet for the sake of church preservation. If she truly is God's house, she can withstand a little house-keeping. You admit this, but want to avoid the process it takes to do so. To fix a problem, you must first admit it exists, examine it and develop steps to positive change.
We cannot continue to overlook the fact that that Christ pointed out errors that needed correction in His time. (EGW did the same and is still revered as a prophet in Adventism.) You may consider it negative, when in actuality it may be growing pains.
Now I'm certainly NOT Christ or a prophet, but call it like I see it and try to be both loving and tactful about it. The blind have chosen to remain blind and I was censored, lectured and reprimanded for being a seeker.
If the church is all smiles & sunshine, why did the Head Deacon's wife get beet red, hiss in my face & yell at me in the church parking lot for daring to suggest that we hold a dinner to honor the public servants in our town? Even worse- I offered the idea of having a meat or dairy dish available. (gasp)
The very thought was SO incredibly offensive- she said, "You know what Sister White says about those things! How can you suggest something like that and call yourself an Adventist?!" (Sorry, but most Policeman & Firefighters I know eat MEAT not Special K loaf!) The dinner was to honor THEM, so in addition to the spaghetti & salad meal, why not have some foods they are used to eating as an alternative? (Let us NOT forget Christ ate lamb and served fish to his followers.)
For 10 yrs, I worked to woo my disillusioned/non-believing Mother back to the faith. Finally, just 3yrs ago, she came around and was re-baptized.
Mother was/is severely Bi-polar- needs to take strong meds just to function. She was guilted by the Head Deacon & his wife for taking the pills. EGW's "natural remedies only" medical advice was thrown at her until she quit her meds cold-turkey, convinced that her faith & herbal tea was enough to keep her balanced. WRONG!
Mother became manic- said/did some pretty strange things. This couple was all over her for her behavior- the rumor mill churned. Finally I watched my dear Mother give up in despair- just 10 mos after returning, had her name removed from the books. There was no correction given the ones who bullied my Mom right out of the church! She is now a Morman.
Jay was on a trip. After an incredibly trying week, I barely made it to church- pregnant, weak & nauseous. Looked a mess, arrived late with 3 fussy kids in tow.
Pastor's wife walked up to me all smiles cooing the PC, "Happy Sabbath, how are you?!" I said, "Honestly? This past week was pretty difficult, I'm just glad to be here..." and I started to tear up. She quickly patted me on the shoulder, said, "Oh that's too bad, I'm sure you'll be okay." and left to go hob-nob with someone else. No help offered, no follow-up call... nothing.
I do not cite these things because I'm still angry. Just examples of the insincerity I have endured. For 2 decades, despite witnessing or falling victim to this kind of thing many times, I still continued to smile, sing, speak on 3ABN and promote the church doctrines. Then I found Jesus and everything began to change. The more I got to know Him, the less of Him I found in the church, it's publications and sermons.
Being a church musician, I sang for evangelism efforts all over the country. One night of the meetings is spent on the precious Gospel, the rest of a 2 wk campaign is all about how to be a good SDA & pointing the finger at Catholics as the beast power.
Gospel night, there's hardly a soul there, but when they present the State of the Dead or Sabbath, it's packed with enthusiastic church-members. We are more excited about Sabbath than about Jesus Christ? Is it He or a 24hr period that unites us??
Some write that Christ is fast becoming the forefront of Adventist doctrine and teachings. I hope so! Where was He for the last 10 decades??
Those who live inside the bubble their entire lives and un-questioning devotees are in danger of becoming like the sleeping virgins. They are fat & comfortable, rich and in need of nothing- they feel they have it all together. They are well- everyone else is sick.
Let us not forget that Moses, Elijah, David the renegade and John the Baptist did just fine out in the wilderness. In fact, they were more powerful servants of God because they weren't distracted by a bunch of church propoganda and infra-structural power plays.
It IS possible to have a vibrant and deep relationship with our Creator, without warming a pew or having your name listed on a church roster.
The world is STARVING, not for more formal, ritualistic religion, but for practical Christianity that speaks to human need. Love, acceptance, humility, compassion, tolerance, service and kindness mark the journey of the sincere.
I LOVE 'Reinventing the Wheel' and was one of it's founding writers. I respect and appreciate anyone who is willing to make an honest examination of their hearts, churches and spirituality.
Even though I don't see eye to eye with every theological point of SDA's, though I have stepped outside organized religion- at least for a time, I am still a friend.
In the end, God will judge us all. I hope that when He looks at me, He sees honesty.
Yes this apology letter got me too, but there is a problem here that you should be wary of. As I have stated before I am an expert on domestic violence recovery. That is helping couples end the fighting without separating. I will share why I think this is relevant here.
There is a big difference between being sorry and having the faith and courage to realise ones own egotism and surrender to a democratically run, virtues based family or community. The control fixation that you describe and that we have all witnessed in the SDA church is narcissism pure and simple. Not the narcissism of self love or optimism but the malignant controlling type that causes people to identify with their false ego identity rather than their true self. This causes people to become emotional and physical abusers as well as liars and cheats, adsorbed in a fantasy reality of their own superiority rather than be a human and fallible member of a group of other vulnerable fallible humans.
abusers say they are sorry all the time. Unfortunately they don't usually get better until the other members of their home or community start 'blowing the whistle' on their worst behaviour, in the case of domestic violence this usually involves talking to the police. At the same time we advocates that you do not abandon or reject the perpetrator (as many unfortunately do) but make it clear that you will not tolerate their haughty and controlling and hence intimidating behaviour. The woman who verbally assualted you in the car park, for instance, should have been charged.
In this way slowly the perpetrator can learn that they will not be abandoned for making mistakes as long as they learn from them. They also come to learn that they can drop the superiority game, which is in fact a lonely and terrible place to be.
It would be great if perpetrators of abuse, which let's face it this apology is an admission of, could actually feel their conscience and reclaim their humanity themselves, but unfortunately this is not part of the disease. If they could do that they would not have become abusers in the first place. They became that way because they had more expected of them than they were really ready for, there is a developmental gap somewhere. As long as they drop the intimidation they should be shown kindness and patience to go back and learn what was missing in their development. How to listen for instance, or manners, or how to earn a living with an honest trade.
This might sound difficult or unrealistic but there is no other solution. There are no short cuts to maturity.
If reconciliation is ever truly going to happen in the Adventist community, it will be from actions on both sides, but first unfortunately it requires the victims to hold the perpetrators accountable to the authorities.
I know that there are some that would be scared of this but the perpetrators actually need your strength, a strong and fair parental figure, with patience and enough time for them is what they lacked. Some may also fear bringing shame on your whole community. The perpetrators are already doing that however. There is no shame in making them accountable.
I do not suggest jumping into this lightly, if you are being bullied by someone go and see the domestic violence officer at your police station, even if it is not a family member they are the most likely to understand the dynamic. My guide at http://www.stopthefights.com/
is full of very solid advice on this, one important tip is to do it when you have time to present yourself as nicely as possible and request a private appointment. Don't wait till the heat of the moment. I am not advocating anyone make a spectacle of themselves! You also do not have to press to have anyone charged straight away, you would just like the police, or relevant authority to clearly warn them what will be the result for themselves (intervention orders, fines, jail etc.) of their bad behaviour continuing.
I am happy to help anyone who needs advice with this.
I hope that you all have the courage to discuss this, It is great that the subject of abuse within the church community has been raised but apologies are not enough.
Kim.